i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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