Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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