Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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