so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
