I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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