she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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