I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
