chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
