drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
