we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
