Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
