someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
