I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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