The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
