Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
