we're chasing vodka with high fives
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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