fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
