i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
