Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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