No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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