i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
