I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
