Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
