I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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