**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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