I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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