I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
