I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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