we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
