My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
