where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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