I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
