i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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