He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
