what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
