saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
