when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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