Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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