Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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