You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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