I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
