Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
