Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
