I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
try to milk me bitch
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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