just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
