My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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