hotel room ftw
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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