Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
