I cockslap morals
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
