ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
